To Me…

To 19-year-old me. The me who had no idea just what life had in store for you.

Back in the day, you loved a night out. Whether you were driving or drinking, you loved it. You didn’t have to worry about getting home for anything. You didn’t have to worry about sleep, you had all day.

Those nights out you love so much will soon be non-existent. The no worrying won’t exist anymore and sleep during the day won’t ever happen again! 

Which leads to the next point, Sleep. Pre kiddie me, you love sleep. Averaging 9 to 10 hours a night you can’t get enough. Sleep is quite literally everything to you.

Fast forward to those night feeds you’ll soon be lapping up and you’ll never sleep for more than 3 hours at a time (and that’s if you’re lucky!). A good nights sleep doesn’t exist anymore, even if you manage to have a child free night, you won’t sleep. Why? Because if the kids aren’t there to wake you up, you’ll be worrying about them until the moment they are back in your arms.

Much loved me time is another favourite of yours. A good book, a bubble bath. You love nothing more than some peace and quiet and time to yourself. You spend at least an hour every day making sure you look good (in a non big-headed way!) you wash, blow dry and straighten your day and always have a full face of make up on. Embrace that.

Post baby you won’t ever see a full face of make up again unless it’s someone’s wedding… You will always forget something. Be it foundation or even mascara. You won’t ever finish a book in any less than 3 months because you’ll average a page a week, grabbing a read at the school pick up when you arrive early. Going to the bathroom alone will soon become a luxury too because at least one of your children will have such bad separation anxiety you can’t even put them down to pee.

Just “popping to the shops” is a very real thing right now. You’re sat there on a Saturday night and you think “hmmmm I want ice cream” and you know what, you get ice cream. You’ll grab your purse, jump in the car and be home in 20 minutes. You realise you’ve run out of milk? Easy, grab purse, jump in the car, Home in 20 minutes.

With kids in tow? No way. If its past 7pm and you’re home alone with the babes, that ice cream is gonna have to wait. You need milk? Great, you’ll just pack a distraction for the older one, emergency food and milk for the little one and load the pram. Only to get to the shop and unload the pram, Unload both children and run into the shop. Only to get out of the shop, re load the children and pram, strap everyone in, get home and unload every one once more. That 20 minutes trip from initial thought to arrival back home doesn’t take 20 minutes anymore. It take an hour at least.

You’re care free! You have nothing to worry about. Oh flat tyre? Easy I’ll get it repaired, no worries. You also don’t know the true meaning of being tired, so hey, happiness is the only emotion you really feel at the moment!

When you’ve not slept for more than 10 hours over a week, when you can’t just pay for a new tyre because well, you know, BILLS! Feeling care free is a thing of a past.

All these seem pretty negative, and that’s sad I know. But I can promise you one thing. You will never feel happier than what you will when you hold your first babe. You will also never feel more content, and proud the moment you realise that actually, despite all the worry, stress and fear you felt when you first found out you were pregnant, you are capable of doing this. You are strong enough.

Over the next few years you will discover true happiness, the type of happiness that even on the hardest and darkest day, is always there. A rubbish day at work is forgotten the moment you walk through the door and you’re greeted by the smiles and laughter that only children can do.

You will learn that your heart will love so fiercely, it’s the type of love that actually hurts. And it will hurt even more the moment your second baby is placed on your chest, you will also learn that you can survive the worst pain you’ve ever felt in your life, despite genuinely believing you can’t.

You will learn that it turns out you can survive on 2 hours sleep. And that believe it or not, people don’t stop and stare if you leave the house In sick covered pj’s and wearing no make up. 

You will discover a sense of ambition, pride and respect that you never knew possible. 

But most importantly you will learn that just when you thought you were in trouble, when you thought that life couldn’t get any more hard, terrifying and lonely, you were wrong. Because despite the fear and anxiety you felt at  the start of what will be the best years of your life, you had nothing to worry about. Because turns out, despite not realising, turning 20 and falling pregnant really was the best thing that ever happened to you.

So enjoy those years me, but believe me when I say, it’s all about to get a whole lot better.

X

 

 

 

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