This time last year

I won’t deny that as I write this I have a tear in my eye and I’m feeling all sorts of emotional.

Izzi is 1 in 2 weeks and I’ll be honest, it’s hitting me like a great big ‘your baby isn’t a baby anymore’ freight train. I never really felt like this with Abi, I was so excited for what the future held and just desperate to watch her get to her next milestone that I didn’t really get hung up and overly emotional about her 1st birthday but this time around with Izzi I’m desperate to hold on to these baby days with a tight grasp. I’m putting it down to the rollercoaster 18 months that came the moment we were expecting her and the fact that we won’t be having anymore little Bolton’s again which of course causes a lot of emotions!

Valentine’s Day 2017 marked the start of just over 2 weeks of stress before Izzi finally arrived for us. It also marked the most romantic valentines to date (sarcasm by the way).

The constant contractions due to an irratble uterus every time I did everything from 33 weeks had definitely taken their toll by this point and on 14th February last year they hit a whole new level. They were constant until suddenly my whole bump went rock hard and Izzi completely stopped moving for several hours. We called, they said to come in and after 3 hours sat in the labour ward we were told to go home and rest. I cooked Chris the finest valentines meal (chicken dippers, chips and salad with a side of franks hot sauce…) and I went to bed desperate for her to be here already because to be honest- I was beyond fed up of the constant pain and wetting  myself because she insisted on sitting on my bladder (boy do I miss those days now though!) that was the start of increasingly reduced movements, heartburn that made me cry and finally Izzi arriving following a week in and out of hospital every day for daily monitoring and a sweep (Christ I even miss that a little bit!)

After Abi was born I didn’t miss being pregnant, but this time I do. I miss the not knowing (which for a control freak like me is bizarre) the excitement and the excuse to wear pjs all day and eat whatever I wanted when I fancied it. I also miss the kicks and punches that I endured every day and night from 20 weeks. But at the same time as missing being pregnant, I also don’t ever want to be pregnant ever again. Having SPD and a “irritable uterus” has scared me. Not being able to walk without resembling a gorilla that’s pooped itself for over 20 weeks and not being be able to hoover without setting off labour is enough to put anyone off- which I’m very thankful happened with my second pregnancy because if it had been my first I really don’t think I would of ever said yes to another baby.

So, as the most amazing (albeit stressful) year of our lives comes to an end and we embark on another year of 2 children parenthood I’m looking back with lots of tears in my eyes! Not just because I’m sad to see it go but also because I’m excited and little happy to say bybye to the year that saw our tiny baby get poked with needles, countless sleepless nights, walking like I’ve shit my pants and Abi turning into a teenager trapped in a 4 year olds body.

Im no doubt going to spend the next few weeks flitting between bursts of sadness, excitement and denial that my baby won’t be a baby anymore. I’ll be definitely be using the phrase “this time last year…” far to often as each day that became  milestone in Izzi’s birth story passes too!

God help anyone who has to spend time with me anytime soon!

Jess

(the over emotional mother of a soon to be toddler and 4 year old)

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